12.06.2004

no and i don't know . . .

i def didn't talk to her
this is really sad - but i def think we are growing a little apart. i've known for a while that we are very different people - but lately its becoming almost a hinderance. stupid example - she's going to have people up while i'm in nyc. so, there is a chance there will be someone sleeping in my bed. i cleaned my room the other day and i was looking at stuff thinking how i really hope whoever is in my room doesn't touch that or break that . . . and i really don't know. the only rule i've set down so far is NO ONE is allowed to have sex in my bed. and in the back of my mind, i'm thinking really - even her going of course means nothing. i don't trust all of her friends to respect other people's space, and i also don't trust her to remember my demand when she is drunk. then, i was looking at the living room and wish we had a table to eat/sit/work at in the living room next to the bay window, where her bowl chair is. she doesn't sit in it, its just there. i know a table in my house that i would love to steal for that purpose - but one of my first thoughts was how i shouldn't bring that table to my apartment because it'll probably just get gross because she'll have people over at some point and once they've been drinking, she'll decide its a good idea to play flip cup on it.
she chose the big room (without including me - decided since she put in the time picking out an apartment, she gets first choice on the rooms) - yet she gets surprised when i start taking over the living room. and when i suggested she move the bowl chair into her room she was like no, there is no room. so, i suggested that we switch rooms and i'll move the circular couch into my room - if i had the bigger one. nope, that's not ok either.
i think i'm pretty compromising - but i just feel like she never does. and lately - its just getting on my nerves!

and then! saturday night, i was about to go to bed when she got home. i suggested we go to the gym the next day and she told me that she was going to go to a pilates class with some girls from work, did i want to come? no thanks - i don't feel like being the one who doesn't know anyone else AND feeling uncomfortable as it is because i have no idea how to do pilates. she pushed the point with the explanation - you need to get out more, all you do is hang out with edgar or i. umm . . . so, a pilates class where i don't know anyone, won't have time to get to know anyone, and wouldn't choose random waitors from a restaurant i don't even work at to try to start friendships with anyway. instead, i went rock climbing - but i guess that doesn't count as getting out.

ok, enough complaining.